Some Regrets Are Trying to Tell You Something

I don't believe in living with no regrets.

It sounds nice on a coffee mug, but I'm not sure it's particularly useful advice. I have regrets. There are choices I would make differently if I could go back knowing what I know now. There are opportunities I wish I had taken, places I wish I had gone, and versions of myself I still wonder about sometimes.

For years, I thought the healthy thing to do with those feelings was to make peace with them and move on. Don't live in the past. Practice gratitude. Be thankful for the life you have.

There is wisdom in those things...and a lot of potential for toxic positivity.

Lately, I've started wondering whether some regrets stick around because they are trying to tell us something. Not necessarily that we made the wrong choice, but that the things that once lit a fire within us may still matter—and may still be achievable.

The Regrets That Didn't Go Away

One of my persistent regrets has been not pursuing college when I was younger. Another has been not exploring where my fascination with biology, marine life, landscapes, and the Pacific Coast might have taken me.

But I have done a lot. I built a career as a massage therapist. I became an entrepreneur. I helped people and animals. I made art, learned practical skills, grew things, built things, and accumulated sixteen years of professional experience I wouldn't trade.

My life did not go wrong.

That's important.

But acknowledging that I built a good life doesn't require me to pretend there aren't roads I still wonder about.

For a long time, I thought regret was primarily about wishing I could change the past. I also thought it was somehow an insult to the present and future—a sign that I lacked "gratitude."

Now I believe regret can do something else entirely: it can point us toward a better future - one where we end up exactly where we are supposed to be.